last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
