I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
