I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
