I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
