Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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