I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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