so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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