She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
