do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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