so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
