She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My pussy is not your playground.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
