the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
