Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This baby is an asshole
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
