after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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