And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
