There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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