You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
