I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
