there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
