If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
