I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
