He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
