I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
