My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
