What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I will be naked everywhere
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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