playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
