Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
