I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
