I hope mine doesn't look like that
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
where are my eyebrows?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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