Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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