Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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