The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was born a porn star she said
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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