Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
