i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize