that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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