Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
