I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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