Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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