Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
