I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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