Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
