All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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