Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
