I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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