i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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