I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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