I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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