were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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