yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
