In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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