Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize