And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
