i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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