If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
