Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
