brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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