you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There are leaves in my underwear?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize