there's paper in my vomit.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
