Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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