He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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