Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
