I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
