I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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