member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
is it fun? or sober?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
