At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
