One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
