I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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