I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
