Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
