Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
